Why Did I Write About Hell's Kitchen Season 25, Episode 3?

Hello everybody!

Do you want to hear about the latest episode of Hell’s Kitchen?

I imagine that the answer is probably not, but because I would like to write something, I’m going to imagine that you all said yes! 

I was hoping that I wouldn’t have to write about this show again so soon, but we don’t have all the information about this year’s Stamford Downtown Parade Spectacular, and I already shared with you everything I could about Season 15 of The Masked Singer, so I guess my hands are tied. 

The episode picked up from the previous episode. I will give a million points to anyone who remembers how the previous episode ended.

Anyway, The Blue Team was celebrating having just won the previous Dinner Service. And I mean like REALLY celebrating. They literally all started doing push-ups to celebrate their victory. You know, maybe that’s what everybody should do after they have any sort of victory. I know that it certainly would have improved Star Wars if they started doing victory push-ups after blowing up The Death Star. It certainly was great seeing all The Avengers doing victory push-ups after they beat Dr Doom in Avengers Doomsday. Oh wait, I probably wasn’t supposed to share that with all of you. Um… LET’S BRING IN THE LIFEGUARDS!

No, that last part was not a joke. Chef Ramsay actually sent two lifeguards into the dorms to wake all the chefs up at a time that is way too early. The lifeguards then ordered the chefs to get up, put their bathing suits on, and follow them to Great Wolf Lodge. Okay, I have several questions here. I didn’t think I would, but I do. Why do all the chefs have bathing suits with them? They’re competing on a cooking show. Do they have free time when the show is not filming where they can just go to the pool? And why did they have to get into their bathing suits before they got to Great Wolf Lodge? The show made it look like those were two different buildings entirely, so did they walk there in their bathing suits, or take a shuttle there in their bathing suits? I don’t get it either. 

Now, if you’re wondering why a cooking competition is at a waterpark, get ready for a stretch that is so big you’ll pull every muscle in your body. The challenge was that everyone had to cook Sliders. Get it? Because they have to make Sliders, and this waterpark has many waterslides. Now I bet you’re still wondering why they are even there in the first place, and not somewhere that would make more sense, like a kitchen, so allow me to explain. Gordo then told the chefs that they had four choices of proteins to choose from, which were Bison, Lamb, Beef, and Venison. I’m not going to include pictures of the finished dishes, because I want to make it easier on myself, and this show just does not deserve it at all. The chefs that would be cooking these proteins would then race down the waterslides, at which point they would be collecting their ingredients at the bottom, which were all written on the bottom of inflatable Sliders. 

Yeah, so rather than just gather the ingredients in the kitchen like normal human beings, The Gordfather forced them to put on their bathing suits, go to a waterpark, and collect ingredients at the bottom of a waterslide, which they could only collect by going down the waterslide. Sadly, this is not even the first time in the series that he has done this exact type of challenge. 

Yeah, so the chefs all collected the ingredients they would use to make their Sliders, and it was about as uneventful as you can imagine. The most noteworthy thing was that Mya and Joy had to put Coconut Milk in their Bison Sliders, which I feel is a crime against humanity. It’s actually really crazy how boring this whole moment was, considering it was essentially menu planning. 

So, after the prelude to the challenge was over, it was time for the actual cooking part of the challenge to start, at which point we were eight minutes into the episode. Yeah, eight minutes before we actually see anything that can be considered cooking. Also, Mr. Ramsay decided to give each team additional wildcard ingredients to make their dishes stand out, which is easily one of the most memorable parts of the cook time, which is just pathetic. 

Guys, I’m rewatching this episode at the time that I am writing this, and it is painful. I genuinely can’t believe how little is happening. Really the only reason why I even write about it at this point is to just write the most insane stuff imaginable. 

So, the chefs finished making their Sliders, and during the cook time, one of them reminded his teammates to not forget any ingredients, which you would think meant that somebody was going to forget an ingredient, but that didn’t happen. What is it with this show failing to properly follow through with obvious omens? First Diego talking about missing his wife in the previous episode, and now again with one of the members of The Blue Team telling the other members not to forget any ingredients. This show needs to learn how to omen properly. 

Gordy brought in a guest judge for this challenge, and it was Paul Wahlberg from Wahlburgers, who was there as a way of Gordo showing off all the famous people he knows, while also keeping in mind the budgetary limitations of a show on Fox. 

So, how the challenge worked is that Paul Wahlberg would be judging their Sliders head to head, and then decide which one is worthy of a point, and obviously, the team with the most points at the end of the challenge would win.

They started off with the Beef Sliders. I would get into the dishes, but my passion for the show is considerably gone, so I’m just going to share the results of each round. Both Gabe and Nadia scored points for The Blue Team and The Red Team in this round.

Up next was the battle of the Venison Sliders, which the show clearly did not care about, as they didn’t even show any of them being tasted, or even share what they consisted of. Really all they showed was small looks at each of them, and Wahlburger Man giving points to Kylie and Miles. By the way, I will give a million points to anyone who remembers who Kylie and Miles are.

Up next was the battle of the Lamb Sliders, and only Aiden got a point in this round.

Last up was the battle of the Bison Sliders, and only Valentin got a point in this round, giving The Blue Team the win. 

By the way, this is the most we see of creative dishes in the show. Four rounds of a challenge that I just summed up with essentially no details. 

For winning the challenge, The Blue Team got to race go karts. Fun fact: The trailer for this episode made it seem like Diego got into a very serious accident during this, but if you have been watching the show as long as I have, you would know that this was greatly exaggerated, and he was perfectly fine. 

For their punishment, The Red Team had to grind hundreds of pounds of Beef, because for Dinner Service, Sliders would be served table side, and they also peel, slice, blanche, and fry hundreds of pounds of Potatoes. Mya could have used her Punishment Pass for this, but she chose not to, which I think is smart, because the punishments will absolutely get worse as the season goes on. 

In a bizarre turn of events, they only showed one scene of The Blue Team racing go karts, and one scene of The Red Team doing the manual labor that Emperor Ramsay forced them to do. At what point do these punishments start being considered cruel and inhumane?

During the punishment, Jeyda continued to prove that she really is the Muppet of the season. She was struggling with cooking Fries, said that she would clean the Oil on the floor after Sous Chef Michelle told her to just work clean and not make a mess in the first place, and she also shaped the Patties like Meatballs, and after Michelle explained why that was a mistake, Jeyda asked if she should push them down a little, to which Michelle asked if she really had to explain to them how to shape a Patty. Okay, first of all, Michelle has absolutely become an agent of chaos, and I am absolutely here for it. Second of all, Jeyda is not just a Muppet, she is just as bad as Brian Austin Green trying to guess the name of songs that he has literal personal connections to. 

After that, we immediately jumped right into Dinner Service. Much like the previous episode, there were VIP Guests, but this time, they were at the Chef’s Tables in both kitchens, which typically means that it’s celebrities that people have actually heard of, and that was certainly the case in this episode. 

In The Red Kitchen, the VIP Guest was Bobby Bones, a radio host, a podcast host, and the most controversial winner of Dancing With The Stars ever. 

In The Blue Kitchen, the VIP Guest was Jay Pharoah, a comedian and actor who I feel has fallen victim to what I can best describe as sort of a Fox equivalent of The Santa Clause. What I mean is that it appears that once you appear on one show on Fox, you are now contractually obligated to appear on every show they want you to appear on, and they will own you for the rest of your life. 

Here’s a fun fact for all of you: When The Blue Team was greeting Jay Pharoah, I guess he noticed the various bandanas they were all wearing, and he said that he had never seen so many White Crips in his life, which is a statement that I had no idea you could say uncensored on network television. 

Once Service had started, Jeyda was continuing to prove that she was this season’s Muppet. She was using rubber gloves to take piping hot Scallops out of a pan, which Gordo told her would burn her severely, so he told her to stop it. Then, it turned out that the Scallops were overcooked, and Jeyda said in an interview that she thought her problem wasn’t that she didn’t know how to make Scallops, but that the stove was really hot. Sure, everyone has their own theory. And then, to make things even worse, Gordy literally had to show her how to cook the Scallops. And then, after that, she sent up two Lobster Tails, when they only needed one, and she didn’t take the skewer out.

Despite this Muppetry from Jeyda, The Red Team actually had a pretty good Service. The Blue Team on the other hand, was just absolutely terrible. 

First, Diego overcooked Scallops, then Miguel struggled almost all night with Garnish, then Aiden and Diego struggled with cooking Pork, and then they had to refire an entire six-top, as well as give Jay Pharoah his Entree, at the same time. Seriously, it was bad. It was like watching two teams of four food and drink entrepreneurs trying to create a viral recipe video for social media. 

Eventually, The Blue Team had screwed up so much that Chef Ramsay kicked them out. And then, in a truly bizarre moment, Dinner Service just stopped after that. We didn’t even see Jay Pharoah finally get his Entree, or The Red Team finish serving all of their guests. I mean, seriously, the way this was edited is like giving a monkey the keys to an amusement park. If you’re wondering how it is anything like that, allow me to explain. The hours would be erratic, maintenance would probably suffer to some degree, and the prizes for games of chance would all be Bananas.

From there, The Blue Team had to decide on which two chefs to nominate for elimination, and they ended up being torn between three names, before eventually settling on Miguel and Diego. After their names were announced, Master Ramsay had somehow been told by the voices above that three names were in consideration, because the very next question he asked was if anyone else was considered, to which Gabe revealed that Aiden also got votes. Yeah, someone in production must have seen the footage of The Blue Team deliberating over who to nominate, and then relayed that information to King Ramsay, because how else would he be so confident that three people were considered?

He then ended up calling all three chefs forward, and two of them absolutely hurt their chances of staying in the competition much longer. Miguel thought it would be a good idea to say that he thought Mr Ramsay would be the best person to help him get better at communicating, and when he asked all three chefs who they thought was the weakest chef on their team, Diego completely avoided the question, instead saying that he felt all of them had their strong suits. 

From there, Gordo made his decision, telling Miguel was on thin ice that was so thin he could hear it cracking, much like Guillermo on Dancing With The Stars, but unlike Guillermo, Miguel is still in the competition, as The Gordfather ended up eliminating Diego for being unable to answer a simple question. Okay, here’s a fun fact for all of you reading. I had actually finished writing the blog post at this point in time, but then I remembered that there was one more thing that I needed to bring up. In the previous episode, Diego had a moment that I described as an omen to his elimination by the end of the episode. And now, here he is getting eliminated one week later, further proving my point that what they did was not how you do an omen. If they really wanted to have a proper omen, they would have moved the moment of Diego talking about how much he misses his girlfriend to this episode. This show needs to get better at editing and how to do omens!

Yeah, so that was an episode of Hell’s Kitchen. I hope you all enjoyed what I had to say, and I’ll see you all soon with another post!