Kitchen Nightmares Season 1, Episode 2

Hello everybody!

I had so much fun writing about Kitchen Nightmares last week, that I have decided to do it again!

But as there have been over 100 episodes, I am not going to write about all of them. That’s just way too much for me. So instead, I am going to choose what I feel are the craziest episodes that will make for amazing write-ups.

And it just so happens that after a truly crazy premiere, the next episode that was just as crazy was THE VERY NEXT EPISODE. 

The restaurant that Chef Ramsay visited in this episode was an Indian Restaurant in New York City called Dillon’s, which also happened to be two blocks away from his own restaurant that he used to have in the city. I actually don’t know if Chef Ramsay’s New York City restaurant is definitely closed, but considering all his restaurants in America these days are in Vegas or at casinos, and I haven’t heard anything about his restaurant in the city, I think it’s fair to assume that it’s closed. 

The problems with Dillon’s were made apparent almost immediately, as one of the first things we saw was a fly buzzing around the restaurant, and Martin, the general manager, described the restaurant as “An American-Irish Restaurant with an Indian-ness connected to it.” Okay, I read two descriptions of this episode, and both of them described Dillon’s as an Indian restaurant, and now all of a sudden the general manager is describing it as an American-Irish Restaurant with an Indian-ness connected to it. I have seen this episode before, but not recently, and somehow I completely forgot about this, and I’m already confused about what they could offer. And believe me, things are only going to get much worse here.

The operations manager Andrew then said that it was hard for him to believe that Dillon’s has lasted this long, as they kind of lurch between catastrophe and disaster, and then it showed him asking a server if she had eight people leave on her. Okay, I’m genuinely curious. Does that mean eight customers left on her throughout the day, or a table of eight left on her?

The Owner Mohammad then said that he and his wife and his family started the restaurant to make a new life, but the restaurant was not doing that well. He then said that they hired Martin to take care of the business, 

Martin then said that he had an objective, which was to capture the best of all worlds, as they have Beef Bhuna, Lamb Chops, Shepherd’s Pie, and Hamburgers. Okay so that explains why he described the restaurant the way he did. 

Kayla, the bartender, then said that she thinks people are a bit confused as to what kind of restaurant it is. Honestly, I agree with her, as I feel that a restaurant should have a consistent menu with a consistent cuisine. 

Also, this restaurant has three managers. In addition to Martin, the general manager, and Andrew, the operations manager, there is also Khan, the floor manager. As one of the other staff members said, nobody knew that Khan was a manager, as he didn’t do anything there. 

As Khan then said, he doesn’t like to work there because everything was so messed up.

Andrew also said that in an ideal world, Martin would be a character in a reality series, which is a massive understatement.

Okay, so I have just gone over a lot of the problems according to the staff, but I am now going to ask a question that only just occurred to me. Why is the restaurant called Dillon’s? None of the managers are named Dillon, so who is the Dillon that led to being the namesake of this restaurant? 

After all this happened, Chef Ramsay finally arrived, and immediately noticed that the canopy was taped down, and also called out the electronic sign above, saying that it was like a scoreboard. Frankly, these are the least of the problems at the restaurant.

The first person Chef Ramsay met at the restaurant was Martin, and he immediately called out the fact that Dillon’s does not sound like the name of an Indian Restaurant, and frankly, I agree with him. 

One of the first things that Chef Ramsay noticed inside the restaurant was the amount of flies buzzing around. I’m just going to say this right now: I have been to many restaurants over the years, and it’s very rare that I have seen a fly buzzing around, let alone a bunch of them all over the place, so they must be doing something very wrong.

Chef Ramsay then spoke to Martin, asking him about the abnormally large menu, and if it meant that there were two kitchens in the restaurant. Martin then explained that there were two different chefs in one kitchen that work alongside each other. And then Chef Ramsay pointed out the incredibly different cuisines on the menu, including British and Italian. Because that’s a very logical thing to have when you promote yourself as an Indian Restaurant. 

Chef Ramsay then chose to order the Assorted Vegetarian Appetizers, the Lamb Biryani, and the Beef Bhuna, and from the American Menu, he chose to go for the Salmon Nicoise. Because as we all know, despite having a French name and literally being named after a city in France called Nice, Salmon Nicoise is one of the most American dishes out there. 

While Chef Ramsay was waiting for his food, he commented on the fact that he was the only person in the entire restaurant at this time, and the fact that the walls looked like they were “plastered with hospital linen.” I agree with him, because it seriously looks like the kind of covering you would put on or in a building that is under construction. I mean, just look at it.

While his lunch was being made, Operations Manager Andrew discovered that they didn’t have any Salmon at the time, so they couldn’t fulfill Chef Ramsay’s entire order. I would make a joke about how no restaurant should run this way, but considering the exact same thing has happened to me twice at two of my favorite restaurants, literally one after the other, I now just feel bad for everyone who has fallen victim to a menu that has not been updated to take unavailable foods off.

So, Andrew decided to go with the second best option: serving Frozen Fish to Chef Ramsay. 

Right after that, Chef Ramsay got his Vegetarian Appetizer Sampler. He was not impressed whatsoever with how they looked, and I can’t say that I disagree with him. Here’s what it looked like. 

But when he actually started eating it, he noticed a much bigger problem than just looking disgusting. This Vegetarian Appetizer that he was eating, contained Meat. Yeah, just imagine what would have happened if someone who was actually Vegetarian was eating that. That’s a lawsuit waiting to happen.

Chef Ramsay then got the Beef Bhuna and the Lamb Biryani at the same time, and as he was looking at his Lamb Biryani, he said “What the _________ is that?” I know I censored it, but we all know what he said. He was annoyed by the fact that they stuck a Tomato Rose on top of it, and the Tomato was rotten. If you’re curious as to what a Tomato Rose is, here’s a picture of the dish. 

Then, another fly started buzzing around Chef Ramsay. Seriously, how are there so many flies in this restaurant?!

Chef Ramsay then cut into the Beef Bhuna and noticed something wrong with it. It wasn’t Beef. So, he asked his server, whose name was Jenna, what she thought it was, and Jenna said that she thought it looked like Pork, and Chef Ramsay said that if that was Beef, then he was born in Bangladesh. I don’t know why, but I feel like comments like this are vaguely problematic.

Jenna then brought the dish back to the kitchen, telling the staff that it wasn’t Beef, to which some of the managers responded by saying that it was not Pork, but rather Lamb, which really does not make things better. 

Chef Ramsay then finally got his 100% Pure American Salmon Nicoise, which not only featured Frozen Salmon, but also Potatoes that looked like they were cooked a week ago. Manager Andrew’s words, not mine. Chef Ramsay commented that the Salmon looked like a doormat, and then ANOTHER fly landed near him. Okay, seriously, how does a restaurant have so many flies buzzing around it?!

Andrew also happened to be walking out of the kitchen at this time, and he asked him if the flies were normal at the restaurant, to which Andrew responded that it was. Yeah, that’s probably the closest thing to customers a restaurant like that will have.

Chef Ramsay then asked Andrew who cooked the Salmon Nicoise, to which he responded that he did, and he told Chef Ramsay that not only is he the operations manager, he is also the chef. Chef Ramsay then asked him if they had any other chefs in the back that could cook the food, to which Andrew said that they don’t know how to cook any Western-style food. Because as we all know, you should always have a menu at your restaurant that none of the chefs know how to make. That’s just a very smart decision. I mean, you could either teach them how to cook these foods, or just focus the menu on what they know how to make, but what you should do is have a complicated menu that not even the chefs know how to make everything, and if nobody knows how to make something, you can make it yourself.

Chef Ramsay then made Andrew eat the Salmon Nicoise. That’s one of his favorite ways to really let someone know that they screwed up. Force them to eat their mistake.

Chef Ramsay then made his way to the kitchen, and had floor manager Khan tell the chef that his food was terrible. Okay, he didn’t actually say those words, but I’m trying to censor myself in my writing. And I don’t want any of you reading to have the same reaction Roginald did when hearing Peter Griffin say a certain word. Again, a million points to anyone who knows what scene I am talking about.

Chef Ramsay then said that the food was bland, old fashioned, and he didn’t feel too good after having eaten it. The chef then told him that he had been served Old Lamb, and then said that he made a mistake, which is such an understatement it’s actually funny. Also, it’s not a mistake, because they chose to serve him Old Lamb, knowing that it was old.

After that, Chef Ramsay decided to see how the restaurant was run with three managers. As a reminder, they had the operations manager Andrew, who seems to be the smartest of the three at this time. The floor manager Khan, who Andrew said everyone there hated, and he couldn’t fire him because he was protected by the owner of the restaurant, Mohammad. And the general manager Martin, who at this point in time, and I am not making this up, was laying down in one of the booths while one of the female staff members was rubbing his hair. That is simultaneously disgusting and pathetic. But I don’t work in restaurants, so maybe this is exactly what should be happening with the general manager and female staff members when it’s almost time for the dinner service. Long story short, Chef Ramsay was not impressed with any of them.

From there, it was time for dinner service to start, and customers were confused about whether to get something from the Indian Menu or the American Menu, and it showed them ordering foods that are neither Indian, nor American, such as Lamb Croquettes and Chicken Marsala. 

Chef Ramsay then walked into the kitchen, and immediately saw a huge tub of Chicken sitting on the floor. I’m not even joking, have a look at what Chef Ramsay saw on the floor as soon as he walked in. 

I mean, as we all know, if there is no room anywhere else, it’s perfectly acceptable to put a tub full of uncooked chicken on the floor before you cook it for a customer.

Chef Ramsay then called for, in his words, “floor manager, operations manager, general manager.” Yes, he didn’t even say their actual names. And then when he called for the general manager, Martin was shown to be literally walking outside the restaurant and looking at his phone. I mean, sometimes you need to prioritize yourself and your phone ahead of your own source of income. That’s just a basic fact that everybody who runs a business should know. :)

Chef Ramsay then asked Mohammad to tell Gomez, the chef, to stop putting things on the floor, because it was unhygienic, and he pronounced it in a way that I have literally never heard anyone pronounce it. For those of you wondering what I mean, he pronounced it in the same way that you would pronounce hygiene. Yeah, Chef Ramsay has a lot of instances of pronouncing things wrong or inventing phrases that nobody says, like saying that something is “lacklust” or asking his fellow judges if they are “all in agreeance.”

At this point in time, it was 40 minutes into the service, and no food had left the kitchen, which is incredible. I’m also amazed that the customers were even willing to stay there and wait. I mean, at what point do you realize that you’re not going to get your food, and just decide to go to another restaurant?

Also, at this time when the kitchen could not have been struggling any more than it already was, Martin thought that would be a perfect time to be on his phone. I mean, he’s absolutely right. When you want to look at your phone, absolutely nothing else is important. Your phone takes more priority than anything else ever. Also, do you want to know how you can tell this episode is from 2007? Martin’s cell phone was a flip phone. Also, I’m about to make myself seem very out of touch, but what else could you do with a flip phone, besides make calls and maybe text people? Seriously, I have no idea what else you could have done with these things.

Chef Ramsay then asked a chef in the kitchen what he was cooking that night, to which he responded with “Nothing.” This prompted Chef Ramsay to demand that he speak to Martin, confronting him about the fact that one of the chefs in the kitchen had nothing to cook, questioning him as to whether or not this is how you run a place.

It was also at this point that Chef Ramsay had found his target for insults this episode, with that being Martin, as when Martin said that he was at the front and was busy, Chef Ramsay said “Yeah, you get off on it. Girls stroking your hair, massaging your _________ing ego,” and then he called him a fake. No, that is not me censoring anything, Chef Ramsay did call Martin a fake. 

And then, Martin responded in the most pathetic and funny way imaginable. His exact response was “I’m not a fake. I’m just- why are you saying I’m a fake?” He went from getting angry about Chef Ramsay calling him a fake, to genuinely asking him why he would call him such a horrifically offensive name. 

Chef Ramsay explained that he had members of his team standing there, getting paid, and doing nothing. Except he didn’t actually say nothing, he said a word that rhymes with “Duck,” and then followed that with the word “All.” He then followed that up by telling Martin “I’ve never seen a general manager so ______ as you.” I can’t say everything that he said in this scene, but just know that Chef Ramsay had officially picked out Martin as the source of many of the problems at the restaurant.

Chef Ramsay then pointed out that they had more staff than customers that night, and they still couldn’t get it right, which is just sad. So, so, so, so, so, so sad. A million points to anyone who gets that reference.

He also called Martin an insult that I have never heard in my entire life, actually kind of now love, and I do not need to censor because I found out what it means: General Tosspot. Yes, that’s actually what he called Martin. For those of you who don’t know what that means, which I imagine is almost every one of you, a Tosspot is an old fashioned word for a heavy drinker, and it got adopted as British slang for a foolish, annoying, or obnoxious person. Considering that Martin himself is British, I have to imagine that he understood exactly what Chef Ramsay was calling him.

It was now 90 minutes into dinner service, and only a small amount of food had made it out of the kitchen and to diners, but they were not happy with what they got, and somehow, the diners who hadn’t gotten their food were now deciding to leave. They could have left at any time in the past 90 minutes, but they are choosing now. I don’t know why they didn’t just leave sooner, and get dinner at another restaurant.

The next day, Chef Ramsay returned for his kitchen inspection, and here’s where things got exponentially worse. 

The first thing he did was tear off a piece of flypaper that was hanging from the ceiling, and he asked when it was changed last, to which he was not given an answer, and he responded by saying that “at least the flies look fresh.” I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that the flypaper was so old, or that there were so many flies on it. I feel like the correct answer is probably both.

Chef Ramsay then looked at a tray full of something. This is not me being lazy with remembering what it was. Chef Ramsay didn’t know what it was, and neither did the literal actual chef who worked there. So, yeah, it was a tray full of something.

Chef Ramsay then discovered moldy hamburger patties, which shows just how little care there really was at this restaurant.

Chef Ramsay then noticed the tray that was filled with the Potatoes he had for lunch the previous day. He then said “Thank God I sat the little ________ down to eat them.” He is of course referring to how he made Andrew eat the dish that he cooked for Chef Ramsay. Also, that blank right there is for a word that rhymes with “Sucker.”

Then, Chef Ramsay saw a metal bucket full of Green Chicken. Okay, now I have to ask: Why would you store Chicken in a metal bucket? And why would you keep it around if it’s turning green? And how does Chicken even turn green in the first place?

Then he went down to the basement, and somehow, things got even worse than they already were.

The first thing he noticed was a very bad smell, and then he immediately noticed that there were cockroaches all over the place. That’s not even an exaggeration, they were on the floor, on the boxes, even on the inside of the freezer.  

Then, he noticed a trap on the floor, and he asked if it was for mice or rats, to which the owner Mohammad told that it was to catch rats, at which point he noticed the piles of rat droppings on the floor. 

Also, while Chef Ramsay was commenting on the cockroaches, one landed in his hair. Why he didn’t immediately cut it all off or bleach it, I will never know, but clearly he has his own priorities.

Yeah, so the restaurant has rat and roach problems, and believe it or not, it’s about to get so much worse. 

Chef Ramsay then showed Mohammad a Pepper that was so rotten that it was “not even a Pepper.” 

He then showed Mohammad a bag of Salad, which had a million bugs living inside of it. Okay, I know that this is literally the least of the problems at this point, but no restaurant should be serving Salads that come from bags. 

Chef Ramsay then called for Martin urgently, and showed him the Salad covered in flies, the green Burgers, and the green Chicken Wings.

Chef Ramsay then asked Martin how long the food had been in there, and after demanding an answer, Martin said that “there is a head chef responsible for this.” Okay, this guy really has no idea how to run a restaurant at all. I genuinely can’t think of anything snarky or sarcastic enough to say right now, or think of such an obscure reference to make at this moment. That’s how bad this guy is at being a general manager.

Chef Ramsay then discovered half of a Tomato that was so rotten that there was a literal actual slug in it. By the way, did you notice that I just said it was HALF a Tomato? Yeah, the other half had just made its way to a customer. Thankfully, the customer didn’t eat it. And then Martin said the biggest understatement of all time to describe his situation in an interview. He said, and I am not making this up, “Things are looking pretty glum.” Yeah, you find out that everything in your restaurant is contaminated, and all your food could possibly kill someone? Yeah, things are just so glum, aren’t they? 

Chef Ramsay was so disgusted and horrified by what he had discovered that he ordered the staff to kick the incredibly small number of diners out of the restaurant and shut the kitchen down until further notice. 

Chef Ramsay was now forced to take drastic measures, and returned wearing a full exterminator suit, along with five other professional steam cleaners, and the music that played during the scene where he returned to the restaurant in the exterminator suit sounded near lawsuit levels of similar to Ghostbusters. 

Chef Ramsay also forced the managers to clean with them, which included throwing out essentially all the food and steam cleaning every square inch of the kitchen. 

Chef Ramsay then took Mohammad and the managers on a trip to his own restaurant a few blocks away. His reason for doing this is because he wanted to show them how a proper kitchen is run. I know that how I worded it just now made it sound like it was another instance of him insulting them, but I assure you, he actually somehow wasn’t insulting them at this time. Not even Martin.

The next day, Chef Ramsay made it a point to reach out to the local Indian community and New Yorkers at large, and he planned to do this with a revamp of the menu to focus on contemporary Indian Cuisine. 

After showing off some of the dishes that would be on the menu, he brought in a consulting chef named Vikas Khanna, who is one of the top Indian chefs in New York City, and was also a guest judge on an episode of Hell’s Kitchen. I know that this piece of information is completely unrelated to what I am talking about, but I think it’s cool that Chef Ramsay was still in touch with him almost 20 years later. 

That night, Chef Ramsay’s design team worked on completely redesigning the interior of the restaurant, and either they really are just that talented at working that fast, or the details here are greatly exaggerated, because I feel like redesigning a dining room would take more than a single night. But what do I know, I’m not an interior designer.

The next day, Chef Ramsay showed the managers and the staff the new restaurant, and he also showed that he had given it a new name, which was Purnima, which is also an authentic Indian name that means “Full Moon.” 

After going over the new menu with the staff, Chef Ramsay spoke to the staff one last time before the relaunch started, and he turned his attention to Martin, and slowly made his way from talking about his role that night, to just straight up insulting him over everything he had done up to this point. It’s impressive how seamlessly he did it, going from basic requests to calling him out in front of the rest of the staff in a show that aired on primetime network television.

One of the waitresses then stood up for Martin, telling Chef Ramsay that he was giving him such a hard time and it was making her angry, to which Chef Ramsay told her that he was frustrated by the lack of respect Martin had for the business, and then he told her to keep her nose out of his business, and to not interrupt him. While I do understand completely why he said that, I still think it’s a funny thing to say when you are addressing the staff, because they are technically all part of this conversation you are having.

Martin then called Chef Ramsay out, saying that he had just insulted a loyal worker, to which Chef Ramsay told him that he did not need any of Martin’s minions to try and convince him of how good he was after everything he had experienced. Yeah, so Chef Ramsay had clearly had enough of Martin, and was literally not even willing to hear anybody say anything nice about him. Also, I know this is literally completely unimportant, but I just have to say it. Chef Ramsay pronounced the word “Minion” in this scene the same way you would say Filet Mignon, and it was so distracting. 

Chef Ramsay then gave some final motivational words, which were that he wanted to see positivity from everybody, and if there was anyone who didn’t think they could pull on the rope like that, they should look for a new job, at which point the camera zoomed in on Martin. Okay, the editors were having way too much fun here. 

The next day was the day of the relaunch, and Chef Ramsay had a great idea for how to spread the word: A Purnima Parade, which consisted of a double decker bus that featured Indian dancers and music on top, and a banner on the side that said “Purnima Now Open.” 

This marketing strategy proved to be a great success, as it was now two hours before opening, and the restaurant was booking up. 

Once the restaurant opened, Chef Vikas was in charge of the kitchen, while Chef Ramsay was watching Martin like a hawk, and just by reading this you can probably tell how much Chef Ramsay hated him. He made Martin give him his phone, just so he could be sure that it was off, and then, in one of the funniest and most vitriolic moments of the episode, he was telling the cameras that everything was going well at the restaurant, except for the fact that Martin was still there. I mean, at this point, if Chef Ramsay worked there, you already know that he would not only fire him, but also blacklist him from getting any other job anywhere. 

As the amount of orders coming in got bigger, Martin’s lack of actual general manager skills had begun to show, which caused confusion for the wait staff and disorder in the kitchen, and also resulted in cold food going out to diners. 

He then asked Vikas which table a certain food was for, except he called him “Bacchus,” which is just pathetic, as it shows that you really don’t care about your restaurant, and that you haven’t even bothered to learn the name of the chef who is helping you out right now.

Chef Ramsay then asked why the Rice Martin was holding had gone cold, and why it had not been served, to which Martin said that it was actually burning, to which Chef Ramsay said that he wanted the customer to experience it, not his hand. Okay, seriously Martin, what’s your excuse now? Why are you not serving Rice that is “burning?” Not all the food hits the table at the same time. You can give this to whoever ordered it, and then everybody else will get their foods after it. Why are you being such a General Tosspot?

Martin then decided to just be a whiny little whiner and do even less than he was already doing, which prompted Chef Ramsay to ask floor manager Khan to step up and manage the restaurant, to which he did, and resulted in the relaunch being a success.

The next day, Chef Ramsay sat down to talk with Mohammad one last time, telling him that he had potential for all the success in the world, and one way to do this was by firing one of his managers and employing Vikas. Yeah, you all know where this is going. He’s pretty much trying to get him to fire Martin. 

Martin then overheard every part of the conversation, went on a serious rant, and then pulled off a “You can’t fire me, I quit!” 

Yeah, so that’s how things wrapped up here. 

For those of you who are wondering, the restaurant is sadly no longer open, and a wide variety of other restaurants have taken its place since it closed. 

Chef Vikas has since had a lot of success in the culinary world, as he was a guest judge on Hell’s Kitchen, has written more than 30 cookbooks, and has another successful restaurant in New York City.

Andrew is apparently a blogger, Huffington Post writer, and wrote cookbooks with Vikas.

But I know you’re all wondering about Martin, and let me tell you something, this is quite the update. 

He tried to sue Chef Ramsay for $3 million after claiming that the show ruined his career, and attempted to get an injunction to prevent the episode from being aired, but the case was thrown out of court. Wow. This guy literally tried to sue Chef Ramsay for making him look bad, and tried to make sure that no one would ever see the episode. He really is a General Tosspot. He is apparently also managing a car service company these days, which makes too much sense.

Well, this was not the most eventful episode, but I enjoyed writing about it, and I hope you all enjoyed reading it! I’ll see you all soon with another blog post!